On :) or :( and ‘I think you’ve misunderstood me’

You type the question “Shall we go to the cinema?” into a messaging app such as WhatsApp. Your colleague replies: “OK”. And now the question is: what did she actually mean by that? The meaning can vary quite a lot. An “OK” can mean many different things, ranging from an enthusiastic one to a neutral one to a sceptical one.

On the one hand: it may be tempting to communicate with colleagues or staff via email or a messaging app. On the face of it, it saves you from a tedious meeting or a supposedly unnecessary regular get-together.

On the other hand: mishaps occur very frequently. Digital, written communication almost inevitably leads to misunderstandings from time to time. Everyone has probably experienced an email being misinterpreted.

The emotion I feel whilst writing subconsciously shapes my writing style. You can still manage this by waiting a moment before hitting ‘send’ and reading it through again. But as the sender, I have neither any influence over nor any knowledge of the emotions the recipient feels whilst reading the message. Someone reading the message whilst still stressed out after a row with a colleague will interpret it differently from someone who has just returned from holiday feeling completely refreshed.

In a face-to-face conversation, we convey meaning through facial expressions and tone of voice, whilst at the same time being better able to gauge the other person. When speaking on the phone, we at least have the voice. In an email, these non-verbal cues are absent, which leaves room for interpretation – and misunderstandings. This makes it all the more important to word emails and instant messages with care. Whilst these communication channels certainly have their place, they are particularly problematic when emotions are involved. The more emotional the content, the less suitable email and WhatsApp become.

Even emojis aren’t necessarily the answer here. The same principle applies: the person reading the message doesn’t always know exactly which emotion I meant. Especially as it’s now even possible to create your own emojis. That would be the moment when we really stop understanding one another at all...